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Ineos might be the best thing ever to happen to Manchester United, we will have to wait and see. But so far all they have been is killjoys.
When the battle for (what we thought was) ownership was taking place between Sheikh Jassim Bin Hamad al Thani and Sir Jim Ratcliffe, many thought that the bottomless pockets of the Qatari were not as important as the fact that Sir Jim was a United fan, a local boy made good, who spoke with passion about his love for the club.
Yet what we have seen so far, while possibly in the best interests of the bottom line of the PLC in the long run, has done little to nothing to ignite the passions of even the most excitable fan.
We have seen 250 members of the workforce lose their jobs. We have seen Sir Alex Ferguson stripped of his £2 million-a-year ambassadorial status. Company credit cards have been revoked, travelling expenses slashed. Bah humbug.
We’ve seen the women’s team lose most of its best players, being shoved into a portakabin and countless academy matches being axed from MUTV.
We have seen 14 senior men’s players leave the club and only five come in, with three more rumoured to be exiting in January.
Fans understand that Ineos have inherited a financial mess and that the Premier League’s Profit and Sustainability Rules (PSR) mean that they cannot simply go out and spend money buying a new team.
But the players that have been bought this summer are not exactly box office. Three defenders and a defensive midfielder plus a centre forward who, on his own admission, is not really one. €214 million has been spent so it’s not as if it’s all about PSR and it is debatable whether the squad is any stronger for it.
Remember when we bought Rooney, or Rio, or Cantona? Or the day Bryan Robson, sporting the dodgiest of perms, signed on the pitch before a match? Remember when we bought Ruud? No offence to Manuel Ugarte, but seeing him waving his new shirt around the pitch was about as exciting as watching my nan holding up to me the jumper she just knitted.
One rare buzz of excitement recently has been caused by the acquisition of some of the world’s best young talents – Samuel Lusale, Chido Obi-Martin, Sekou Koné and Hubert Graczyk. But with the exception of the keeper Graczyk – who has let in six goals in his two games so far – we haven’t seen any of them kick a ball.
Why? We’re carefully integrating them. We’re putting them through a process. We’re acclimatising them to their new environment. All very sensible, perhaps, but surely they are desperate to get on the pitch? They are footballers. And we are football fans. We’re buzzing to see them. Stop being so measured and sensible, Ineos, and give us all something to be excited about. Oh, and bother to televise it when you do.
Meanwhile, nobody wishes ill on Erik ten Hag. Most fans like the guy and would have liked nothing better than to see him succeed at United. But this slow, painful death of his United career – because let’s face it, only a miracle could prevent the inevitable now – is horrific for everyone, Ten Hag, probably included.
Ineos are doing their feasibility studies and having countless meetings and looking at the ins and outs of every option. They will not rush the decision to replace Erik. You know what, Ineos? Again, it all sound very cerebral but our team is dying out there. Our fan base is dwindling. We are suffering ignominy after ignominy, being regularly thrashed by our arch rivals and even by Spurs for goodness’ sake. We are a laughing stock and right now Kath on reception would probably command more respect in the dugout than Ten Hag.
Season ticket holders and regular supporters spend thousands of pounds to go to watch dire, drab, soulless and depressing football, week-in, week-out. Sir Jim, if you are such a fan, where is your passion? You have the power to give millions of United fans around the world hope. You have the power to give them attractive and positive football. You have the power to give them stars and starlets that can light up their weekends and put a smile on their faces.
We understand you want to get things right, Ineos. No doubt you will be smugly smirking in your ivory towers at us mere mortals demanding “knee-jerk reactions”. You probably think you are smarter than us, and perhaps you are. But a knee jerk is a reflex, and reflexes are not illogical. They are a crucial part of our survival mechanism.
Of course, it is to their credit that Ineos want to be the perfect custodians of the club. But as Winston Churchill said, perfection is the enemy of progress. And in this case, perfection is the enemy of passion, which is what football, ultimately, is all about.
Featured image Michael Regan via Getty Images
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