-
Ryan McGee, ESPN Senior Writer
Inspirational Thought of the Week:
Woke up this morning and my room was cold
I checked the furnace and found it was not burning
Went out and sat in my old Ford
Hit the engine but it’s not turning
We’ve taught each other some hard lessons lately
But we are not learning
We share the same sad story, that’s a fact
One step up and two steps back
— “One Step Up” Bruce Springsteen
Here at Bottom 10 headquarters, located in room 02 on the second floor of a building at address 0 2nd Street, we find ourselves occupied by number two after week 2. Like, we’re sitting alone at a two-person desk, wearing a Deion Sanders No. 2 Florida State jersey, shakily holding a No. 2 pencil and writing our 200-word, two-time All-SEC running back Deuce McAllister on a double roll of two-ply toilet paper. act
Why such ambiguity? Because after two weeks of play across the country, long-term candidates for bottom 10 residency to ease into their own second lane are two, er, I mean. And how do we identify groups that are singing a different tone, er, tune? They have already suffered two losses. And of the 134 teams that play FBS football, that number is already down to 18, and all but one of them are 0-2. (No-vada, at 1-2, rolled a one-way snake eye after the Week 0 kickoff.)
Now that peloton heads into Week 3 of two-loss squads. How many weeks can match the number of weeks an octogenarian hopes to shoot their age on the golf course? Stay two, er, tune in. We already have our No. 3 Joe Montana college jersey ready, certainly more ready than his alma mater Week 2.
With apologies to Al Toon, Dave Duerson, Washington Huskies twins Jayvon and Armon Parker, Monmouth defensive back Deuce Lee and Steve Harvey, here are the 10 rankings after Week 2.
The Zips continued their march through the Big Ten, going from a season-opening 56-6 loss to Ohio State to a 49-17 loss to Rutgers. This week they host Colgate, which is good timing because they need someone to help repair all the teeth that fell out of their mouths in the first two weeks.
The Owls made their FBS home debut, hosting the Ragin’ Cajuns of Louisiana and losing 34-10. Now they sing, “Do you know the way to San Jose?” When they go west to face the Spartans, a team they’ve never played before, who take turns singing, “The First Time Ever I Can-Saw Your Face.”
After an 0-2 start, L-Obos failed to cover the spread against Open Date U’s Fightin Byes. Now they travel to The Plains to face coveted fifth-place contender Auburn, which means an uncomfortable phone call to Arshnemi Huey. Mexico State, which has beaten Hugh Freeze the last two years, once when he coached at Liberty and once when he was at Auburn. Beep. “Um, hey guys, I know we had that whole thing last winter when we banned you from using our facilities for bowl practice because your QB peed on our logo and we know we play our fiercest rival in two weeks but, well , um, lol, Biggins and all that, can you send your Auburn film without peeing?”
The last two examples of a 21+ point underdog winning a game by 21+ points:
New Mexico cent over Hugh Freeze in 2022 (at Liberty)
New Mexico State over Hugh Freeze in 2023 (at Auburn)— 💫🅰️♈️🆔 (@ADavidHaleJoint) November 19, 2023
Our second-highest-flying Parliament of the Strigiformes continues Kennesaw’s pursuit of Bottom 10 Owl Air supremacy, following their 48-point Week 1 loss to longtime pass-slinger Oklahoma with a 27-point loss to Navy, which didn’t drop a pass. Since Roger Staubach graduated.
The Northern Ill-U-Nize Huskies went to South Bend and: A. ran the ball 45 times. 2. Commit no turnover. Thirdly. Wins in almost every statistical category. IV Cashed a check for $1.4 million and e. Not only did Notre Dame drop a coveted fifth, they also produced a psychological sequel to Texas A&M’s Week 1 nightmare, “Notre Dame Loss 2: Electric NIU Boogaloo.”
The minors were tunneled at home by Southern Utah of the FCS in OT. It was the best showing for a team of Thunderbirds in El Paso since the Air Force’s legendary fighter jet demo team made a flyover of the Sun Bowl and immediately realized they were in the wrong bowl game.
The Minuetmen continued their push for MAC membership in 2025, opening the season with a home loss to Eastern Knot Western Michigan and a loss in Week 2 at Toledo. Now they travel to see the Buffalo Bulls, not the Bills, before midseason trips to Notre Dame in Ohio and Notre Dame in DeKalb before a midseason trip. Wait, are we 100% sure they’re not already on MAC and we just didn’t realize it?
Speaking of #MACtion, the Bronc-nos are indeed currently a MAC member, though so far 2024 seems like an audition for the Big Ten after starting with trips to Wisconsin and Ohio State. However, after losing by a combined score of 84-14, this audition is a trying time for “American Gladiators.”
The Cowboys are an FBS program that for whatever reason people in the East always think is an FCS program. Meanwhile, the Idaho Vandals were an FCS powerhouse who moved up to the FBS and played Wyoming often during that time but never beat them. Then, in 2018, Idaho became the first program to voluntarily move back to the FCS, thus many people still think they belong in the FBS. So, when Idaho finally beat Wyoming on Saturday, it was one of three FCS-over-FBS upsets over the weekend, but one that people knew was an FCS-FBS upset but thought it was the other way around or didn’t realize it was one. FCS vs. FBS game.
Meanwhile, everyone knew Kent State’s loss to the St. Francis Red Flashes was an FCS upset over the FBS because their reaction to the 23-17 score was, “What in the name of St. Francis is a Red Flash?!”
Waiting list: FSU Semi-no’s, Snore Eagle, Big (Black and) Blue Nation, Minute Rice, UCan’t, Not the Jacksonville You Think It Is State, FA(not)IU, Charlotte 0-and-2ers, Sam Houston We have a There’s a problem, real Houston we have a problem, flopping.
