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Ryan McGee, ESPN Senior Writer
Inspirational Thought of the Week:
Guess who’s back?
Back again?
Shady is back.
tell a friend
Guess who’s back?
Guess who’s back?
Da-da-da, da, da, da, da, da, da
— “Without Me,” Eminem
Here at Bottom 10 headquarters, nestled in the hermetically sealed “Ocean’s Eleven”-proof underground lockbox bunker where Nick Saban is now trying to hide the all-knowing recording of his “The only place in the SEC you can’t play hard is Vanderbilt” hot take, we VHS/DVD/TV with three-in-one entertainment unit to repeat a specific video tape. This is the opening scene of “The Lion King”. You know the one. As all the animals march towards Pride Rock, hooves, paws and wings unite to the music of Elton John. Yes, the circle of life. And for the next two hours, clumsy little Simba can’t get out of his own way, gets exiled, wanders the desert who knows what, his family believes he’s gone forever, and then he comes back.
This is the classic story of the return of the prodigal son. Like Tony Stark. Or Michael Macdonald rejoining the Doobie Brothers. Or a bottom 10 team that starts winning games and leaves our flock for greener bowl game pastures. Like … wait … what is that prophet Simian holding from the top of Pride Rock? What is it? Yes! It is!
A Kansas Nyhawk!
# 10 below Spoiler alert: life comes at you fast. From October 2022: pic.twitter.com/DhLSpjZGOw
— Ryan McGee (@ESPNMcGee) October 8, 2024
With apologies to Gale Sayers, Greg Ostertag, Tim Rice, Hans Zimmer and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 6 Bottom 10 rankings.
The New Money Owls are still winless in their first season of FBS ball, with their latest loss coming to the Jacksonville (not Florida) State (not that) Gamecocks, 63-24. During the postgame handshake, Jax State, who moved up to the big leagues just last year, can be heard saying, “We know it’s rough. Just wait. Wait… We went to a bowl game last year and won it. WTH, together. Take it, son!
The Golden (Plated) Flashes move up/down in this spot when they avoid playing a game in Week 6, allowing other teams to join them in the five-loss club. Now they host 1-5 Baller State for the pillow fight of the year. When I went to the magical and all-knowing ESPN Analytics computer to preview the game, it sent up a little guy who looked suspiciously like Tron, who said, “Don’t you have better things to do with your time? Go outside and read a book.”
The minors fell to the Sam Houston State Bearcats, whose mascot is a giant bright orange cat, er, sorry, cat. Now they face Western Kentucky, whose mascot is a big red blob that looks like something punched in the carpet.
The bad news? The UAB Blazers outshot Tulane 71-20. The bad news? Now they are playing the Army, which is currently the most formidable since the tank campaign in North Africa. Good news? The Blazers didn’t have the worst weekend for an Alabama-based college football program. talking…
On a weekend when a lot of teams with numbers next to their names lost, Bamai was the only person with the loneliest number next to their name to lose to a team that hasn’t had a number next to its name since 2013. Now comes the fun part: any idea of seeing people wearing houndstooth. Not that the quoted fifth spot works. Vandy didn’t seem to understand how the draw game worked, as did their defense.
Other Aggies were off for the weekend. Hopefully they didn’t turn on their TV, because their former quarterback Diego Pavia will have to watch all those draw plays against Bama.
Temple University, TU, will soon play University of Tulsa, UT, which is two weeks before Tulane University, also plays TU, and one month before playing UTSA, which is part of the University of Texas, also UT, system and finish the season playing North Texas, which is UNT. , part of the UNT system. But before all these tees, TU gets a weekend of requisite TO — time off.
The Minuetmen have the unfortunate timing of facing Mizzou a week after the Notre Dame daddies lost to Northern Illinois and were embarrassed by Texas A&M, aka the OG Aggies. In related news…
Other Aggies also have the honor of being the recipient of a revenge visit from an upset team, as CFP-crasher UNLV looks to bounce back from reminding America that Syracuse still plays football.
And you thought we’d forget after the finely crafted “Lion King” role?
Waiting list: Minute rice, pur-don’t, UCLA boo-ins, fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-tech, Flori-duh state semi-nos, baller state, southern missed, who Mexico not whou Mexico State, Miss Sue’s Hippie State, My Hammy of Ohio, Acromoneous, Why-OMG-ing? The upset Tennessee State, Troy Bolton State, is celebrating early.
