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Inspirational idea for the week:

So put me in the ground

Put me six feet away

And let the stone say

“Here lies the girl whose only crutch was loving one man too much.”

If you go before I do, I’ll tell the gravedigger he’d better dig two

Drill two

– “Better Two Drills”, Perry Band

Here at Bottom 10’s headquarters, housed in the medical tent where neck braces are stored to help Joey Galloway recover from injury after entire Saturdays of quickly turning his head to say “WTH?” Following every point made by Dan Mullen, we know that college football seasons turn the clubhouse into a defense center, and the room we live in can quickly become an empty space.

At the beginning of each fall, coaches like to remind us that every team in the country starts the season with a zero in the loss column. But they never dare to step through the top ten glass and allow themselves the reminder that every team in the land also starts with a zero on the other side of that hyphen, or dash, or whatever, in the win column.

So, while those who claim to love the game continue to count and recount the dwindling number of undefeated FBS programs, we here, who truly love the sport on a deeper level, would like to remind everyone of another record countdown. Those teams still seeking their first win of the fall.

The number of undefeated people is still in double digits, which is a whopping 10. What’s the point of applauding that? Here in the bottom 10 cinema world, we only have two teams that are winless. The undefeated room is so crowded we’re going to call the fire chief. Our room, the batting room, the most exclusive clubhouse in college football, only needs a fire extinguisher.

With apologies to Deuce McAllister, David “The Deuce” Palmer, Duce Staley, Rob Base, and Steve Harvey, here are our top 10 rankings after Week 8:

The Golden (Plated) Flashes have lost their 16th straight game, to the Boiling Green by four losses after losing their cushion game of the week to Baller State by four losses, and now face three losses to Western Not Eastern or Central Michigan, who sit atop the #MACtion standings. This is great if you have ever dreamed of seeing someone falling down the stairs.


The New Owls on the Block (NO²TB) came off their bye week and resumed their chase of Kent as the only team remaining in the country. Now Kennesaw Mountain will spend Wednesday night traveling to Liberty Mountain, where the undefeated Flames open each game with a prayer before leaving opponents prayerless.


The Eagles are making a big jump/drop in these rankings, thanks in part to being one of the first FBS programs to fire their head coach (hey, East Carolina…) and also because they’ve found a potential partner in the fun belt dance for a potential end-of-season team battle Pillows for the Year of the Century Week, or PFOWYOC, pronounced “puh-fow-yok,” is also what Will Hall angrily called everyone in the front office while escorting him out. Who is this PFOWYOC up against?


The East Coast Trojans, who reached the top four after three straight losses in the Fun Belt and now face the Fightin’ Butches of Arkansas State, the same team that just ended Will Hall’s tenure in Hattiesburg.


The yellow flag was thrown onto the field. Horns fans then threw a bunch of objects onto the field. Then the flag was raised from the stadium. The trash was then picked up from the field. But… another flag was never thrown because of things thrown on the field?


The good news for the Blazers is that even though they keep losing, no one can see it because the entire state of Alabama is shrouded in thick white smoke from the Plains dumpster fire and the panic attacks in Tuscaloosa.


The Other Aggies continue the 2026 Pac-12 acceptance party by playing like the 2022 Pac-12 team, falling to 1-6 after losing to the Non-Aggies in New Mexico. Now, while we’re obsessed with our current #MACtion PFOWYs and future Fun Belt PFOWYOCs, Utah is hitting the road for a showdown that has snuck up on us, against…


The Chowboys knew the way to San Jose, but unfortunately, the Spartans’ Nick Nash knew the way to the end zone for the seventh straight game. If Wyoming is going to fulfill its dream of winning a hat-trick as Arizona Bowl champions, it won’t lose again this season.


New Duke coach Manny Diaz has now beaten the coach who embarrassed him at Texas, Mack Brown of the University of North Carolina, his alma mater FSU, and in two weeks has a chance to ruin the year for the school that fired him three years ago, Miami. The last time someone passed through ACC country this way, they were carrying orders from Sherman.


The Buttermakers are 1-6 and 0-4 in conference play. After an open date, they host Northwestern, which is 3-4 and 1-3 in the conference. With all the changes that have come to college football, especially in the Big Ten, this game is like being wrapped up in an old blanket from your grandmother’s house. Sure, it has to be washed, and it smells like a gym sock dipped in kitty litter and VapoRub, but at least it’s familiar.

waiting list: UMess, FI(notA)U, UTEPid (aka the team that just beat FIU), Temple of Doom, Living on Tulsa Time (aka the team that just lost to Temple of Doom), Whew Mexico State, Me- dle Tennessee, Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-Tech, Baller State, Miss Sus Hippie State, Snore Eagle, Akronmonious, Floundering.

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