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I’ve loved my week in Japan. It’s one of my favourite cultures to delve into and I’ve been savouring every moment because this will probably be my last England tour. Myself and Jamie George walked past the local hotel we stayed in 16 years ago and it made me feel quite nostalgic.
I was a daft teenager back then. Now I’m a daft adult… with four kids. They are three, eight, five and 10 years old now, so they all have different needs. Oh… and we’ve got a new pet tortoise called Bob. He was supposed to be the size of a cereal bowl but I ordered the wrong breed and it turns out he’ll grow up to two-and-a-half feet. There’s a lot going on at home and it’s not fair to keep leaving my wife, Daisy, with all that responsibility. So I’m embracing my final days in an England shirt and what a place to do it. I have unbelievable memories of the 2019 World Cup — bar the final — and it’s great to be back.
Joe Marler took Mail Sport behind the scenes with his hilarious Japanese diary in which he cuddles micro-pigs, went ninja-training and had multi-coloured cheese toasties
Marler has admitted that this will probably be his final tour with the England squad
Marler has good memories of Japan from the 2019 World Cup – other than the final
MONDAY
Steve Borthwick gave us the weekend to explore Tokyo so we regrouped and had a bit of a debrief, before focus turns to preparing for a Test match.
I don’t get asked much in team meetings because there’s a bit of fear about what I’ll say, but me and my room-mate, Dan Cole, wandered around Tokyo like two old farts.
We went to see the Godzilla statue in Shinjuku, while a couple of boys went to a traditional sumo stable. I did that 16 years ago with Jamie but I did see a ‘street sumo’ in Nonbei Yokocho — otherwise known as Drunkard’s Alley. The guy is fully geared up and he sets up a makeshift rope ring on the street corner. You pay 1,000 yen (£5) to take him on and if you win then you get 1,000 yen back.
Steve Borthwick gave England players the chance to explore Tokyo over a weekend
Marler and Dan Cole went to see the Godzilla statue in Shinjuku during their time away
I fancied my chances but knowing my luck (and age) I would’ve ended up pulling a calf, so I opted out. Steve wouldn’t have been very impressed if I pulled out of the match because I injured myself taking on a street sumo. The traditional ones are much bigger, almost 150kg, and there’s no chance I’d take them on.
Will Stuart is the closest we’ve got to an actual sumo because of his mass and the way he can move. He’s so explosive. We also went to visit a barista who we met here five years ago called Yoshi. He’s a whacky fruitcake and we loved him. We went to the shop he used to work at and they said he quit a year ago and set up his own coffee shop. We found his shop and he was like, ‘Oh my god!’, like a crazy lost relative. That was a nice moment but my favourite story from the meeting was from George Martin. His favourite thing, apparently, was eating the chicken from the local 7-Eleven store. Never change, George!
TUESDAY
We trained in the 30c heat. It’s so humid but you have to adapt. I’m sure Eddie Jones would’ve scheduled the game for 11am if he could, so all us English boys melt, but we settled for 2pm.
You need a few cold showers after those sessions, and the facilities at D-Rocks, where we’ve been training, are unbelievable. The best club facilities I’ve seen — and old Scotland scrum-half Greig Laidlaw is the local coach!
After training I like to come back to the hotel room and sit on the toilet. The toilets in Japan are unbelievable. They have heated seats and jet washers. I’d love to have lived and played in Japan for a year but they have enough 120kg props. They’re more interested in guys like Beauden Barrett! Maybe I’ll have to invest in a Japanese toilet back home in Sussex.
Marler and his England team-mates have been training in 30 degree heat in Japan this week
WEDNESDAY
We went to a phenomenal BBQ restaurant in the evening. Thin strips of Wagyu beef you cook on the table. The staff were slightly gobsmacked that we ordered about nine trays of beef to each table but were too polite to say anything.
The team security guys, Bill and Ferg, look after the credit card to pick up the bill. They’re brilliant, incredibly meticulous, but we’ve been giving them a bit of stick about our last trip here, in 2019.
For context, Jonny May’s mum used to teach piano to Ed Sheeran. We had a social after the World Cup final and Ed turned up at about 11pm. He wasn’t on the guest list, so Bill and Ferg didn’t let him in — and we’ve never let them live it down!
Mail Sport pair Nik Simon and Kevin Quigley took Marler to a place where people drink tea while micro pigs climb on their lap in Tokyo
THURSDAY
A lot of the younger guys have been visiting the mental animal cafes, where you have a coffee with cute cats and dogs. I thought I’d seen all the weird stuff Japan has to offer. That was until Daily Mail boys Nik Simon and Kevin Quigley — otherwise known as the Croqued Monsieurs — took me to a place where you drink tea while micro pigs climb onto your lap — in the middle of Tokyo!
Apparently Katy Perry once hired out the place for a party. I don’t get weirded out by much but that was another level. Then we went to an underground ninja training school. We dressed up in full costume and were taught the basics of swordsmanship and it reminded me of the time Eddie Jones whipped out a samurai sword in a team meeting.
Except the swords we were given weren’t real and it was all done under supervision! We also learnt how to spit darts like they did during the guerrilla warfare days in the 12th century. It was in the Harajuku part of town, one of the most bonkers places I’ve ever been. It’s an incredible contrast to the zen you feel around the parks and shrines. Everyone wears cosplay outfits and it’s seen as a movement against traditional, conservative Japanese culture. You find all sorts of weird food there… the fruit salad sandwiches were delicious and I had a toastie filled with multi-coloured cheese. I also tried SPAM sushi, which I certainly won’t be taking home for the kids!
Marler said there is ‘all sorts of weird food in Japan’ including fruit salad sandwiches, SPAM sushi and a toastie filled with multi-coloured cheese
Marler looks through the strings of cheese from his unique toastie during his time in Tokyo
FRIDAY
We all wake up and check the England football score from the Euros, because the games are played in the middle of the night here. I heard Jude Bellingham talking about his werewolf celebration, which is based on The Traitors-style game they play in camp. We’ve been playing the same thing. There’s a killing every night and you’ve got to work out who the two werewolves are.
Friday morning is the captain’s run so we visit the stadium ahead of the match. I’ve not been in touch with Eddie since he got the chop at Australia last year.
Marler mentioned Jude Bellingham’s werewolf celebration which is based on The Traitors-style game they play in camp – which is also played in the England rugby camp
I sent him a message then but nothing since, so I look forward to catching up with him. I’ve always been fascinated by what he says in the media, with his so-called grenades at guys like Warren Gatland. I’m pleased there wasn’t too much of that this week because Steve was a loyal assistant to Eddie and I’d be disappointed if there was any funny business.
Saying that, if we don’t win I’m sure Eddie will be unbearable! I had a good relationship with him but I don’t think I could bear his smug grin if Japan won! That alone is enough motivation for me! If I score my first international try, I’ll do the werewolf celebration in solidarity with Jude!
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